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estinoseSummary: Jen ponders Wes' actions while she and the others wait for Alex.
Disclaimer: Characters belong to Saban, not me.
Spoilers: "The End of Time" part 2
Author's Notes: This is my second attempt at capturing Jen while she waited for certain events to happen.
Willing to Remember
by Estirose
copyright 2001
It was not what she had imagined.
She had many times dreamed of the day that the four of them and Wes would capture Ransik, and she and her teammates would be free to go home, redeemed for their actions that night.
But Ransik was still loose, and the only reason she was home was because one of her own had betrayed her. The only one not there, waiting for memory adaptation.
Wes.
Alex would argue that Wes was a civilian, which was true, but on some timeline, he had been sworn in temporarily as a member of Time Force. Technically speaking, he was still under her command. And he was loyal as he could possibly be. Of course, in the end, that had been the problem; Wes had been far too loyal for their own good.
Day by day, she resented Rialtson and his scheme more and more. Trip had admitted that it was only theory that Wes had been fed Alex's memories before birth, but it was a credible explanation as to why he'd acted the way he did from the beginning.
In the end, Wes' instincts to protect her, to follow Alex's orders, had resulted in her team's unwilling trip back to their own century. She could understand his reasoning, that better one die than five, but in other ways, she still wanted to ream him for the stunt he'd pulled.
He, who chose his own destiny, in the end refused to let his teammates choose theirs. She thought the four of them had made that clear to him the night before the attacks came, but apparently not. Part of that had to be his upbringing, and part of that had to be Alex.
Alex didn't know about his own clone. He had no idea who he had left to his death. Not that the version of Alex that they knew now would particularly care, but she wished she could tell him, just to see if he reacted at all.
But she wouldn't tell him. She had no reason to tell him, after all. There was no rescuing Wes from his fate. Wes would die without his teammates, and no amount of longing would take her back to the twenty-first century and back to him.
She would never be able to tell him that she loved him. Never be able to look at him and be beguiled by a gentle smile in a rounded face, in some ways so different from Alex's. No longer be irritated by one of Wes' westerns.
Sure, Wes could be irritating, but he was warm. Human. Loving. Even if he looked at her with Alex's memories in his subconscious, there was some element of him that made her think that he was in love with her, too.
It was that which caused her not to be upset at Wes' memory. Oh, she had no doubt that some of her Alex still remained in this new one, but she knew that he cared far beyond the loyalty enforced upon him.
But it was still forced, and no matter how she felt, she reminded herself that it really wasn't his choice. No matter how much she and the others told him that he was an individual, free from any obligation of being Alex, he really wasn't.
She had to remember Wes. There was nothing any machine or mandate could do to make her lose sight of the injustices against him and the rest of the Rialtson clones. But could she? She knew of the technology, but she never thought she'd have to have her mind adjusted. There had been no such policy in place when they'd fled through time, so she knew it had to be a timeline change.
Jen tried not to shiver outwardly as she thought of not remembering the past few months. Of not remembering anything of her battles with Ransik, her time in the twenty-first century, or the one that she loved more than ever.
Okay, the one that she loved when she wasn't yelling at him about some transgression he'd committed, which was often in the early days. He'd gotten better once she'd let him on the team and sworn him in as a Ranger and as a member of Time Force. And to be fair, the only one who had obeyed orders.
Even though those orders were wrong. Even if they meant that she should have left him alone to die.
Staring out at the sky, she tried to remind herself that he was dead now, dead for a thousand years, and would never be on the receiving end of one of her lectures ever again. She breathed in, trying to keep her eyes from watering and her nose from running.
Maybe it was better that she not remember. Better that she never knew Wesley Collins, who he was, and what he could become. Better that she not remember one who cared so much for his teammates that he betrayed him to safety.
But she couldn't bring herself to do that. Sure, she might obey orders, but there was so much that those who had never spent a day in a century not their own could ever know. She would obey orders this time, but she would not let them take her spirit away.
She would not let them take Wes away from her.
Behind her, her team stirred. They, like her, were discontent. They, like her, wanted to remember. They, like her, would not go down without a fight. They were her team. The four of them knew what was right, no matter what Alex and the bureaucrats might think best for them. Nothing could quench that.
No matter what happened. No matter what anybody did. They would remember.
-end
Disclaimer: Characters belong to Saban, not me.
Spoilers: "The End of Time" part 2
Author's Notes: This is my second attempt at capturing Jen while she waited for certain events to happen.
Willing to Remember
by Estirose
copyright 2001
It was not what she had imagined.
She had many times dreamed of the day that the four of them and Wes would capture Ransik, and she and her teammates would be free to go home, redeemed for their actions that night.
But Ransik was still loose, and the only reason she was home was because one of her own had betrayed her. The only one not there, waiting for memory adaptation.
Wes.
Alex would argue that Wes was a civilian, which was true, but on some timeline, he had been sworn in temporarily as a member of Time Force. Technically speaking, he was still under her command. And he was loyal as he could possibly be. Of course, in the end, that had been the problem; Wes had been far too loyal for their own good.
Day by day, she resented Rialtson and his scheme more and more. Trip had admitted that it was only theory that Wes had been fed Alex's memories before birth, but it was a credible explanation as to why he'd acted the way he did from the beginning.
In the end, Wes' instincts to protect her, to follow Alex's orders, had resulted in her team's unwilling trip back to their own century. She could understand his reasoning, that better one die than five, but in other ways, she still wanted to ream him for the stunt he'd pulled.
He, who chose his own destiny, in the end refused to let his teammates choose theirs. She thought the four of them had made that clear to him the night before the attacks came, but apparently not. Part of that had to be his upbringing, and part of that had to be Alex.
Alex didn't know about his own clone. He had no idea who he had left to his death. Not that the version of Alex that they knew now would particularly care, but she wished she could tell him, just to see if he reacted at all.
But she wouldn't tell him. She had no reason to tell him, after all. There was no rescuing Wes from his fate. Wes would die without his teammates, and no amount of longing would take her back to the twenty-first century and back to him.
She would never be able to tell him that she loved him. Never be able to look at him and be beguiled by a gentle smile in a rounded face, in some ways so different from Alex's. No longer be irritated by one of Wes' westerns.
Sure, Wes could be irritating, but he was warm. Human. Loving. Even if he looked at her with Alex's memories in his subconscious, there was some element of him that made her think that he was in love with her, too.
It was that which caused her not to be upset at Wes' memory. Oh, she had no doubt that some of her Alex still remained in this new one, but she knew that he cared far beyond the loyalty enforced upon him.
But it was still forced, and no matter how she felt, she reminded herself that it really wasn't his choice. No matter how much she and the others told him that he was an individual, free from any obligation of being Alex, he really wasn't.
She had to remember Wes. There was nothing any machine or mandate could do to make her lose sight of the injustices against him and the rest of the Rialtson clones. But could she? She knew of the technology, but she never thought she'd have to have her mind adjusted. There had been no such policy in place when they'd fled through time, so she knew it had to be a timeline change.
Jen tried not to shiver outwardly as she thought of not remembering the past few months. Of not remembering anything of her battles with Ransik, her time in the twenty-first century, or the one that she loved more than ever.
Okay, the one that she loved when she wasn't yelling at him about some transgression he'd committed, which was often in the early days. He'd gotten better once she'd let him on the team and sworn him in as a Ranger and as a member of Time Force. And to be fair, the only one who had obeyed orders.
Even though those orders were wrong. Even if they meant that she should have left him alone to die.
Staring out at the sky, she tried to remind herself that he was dead now, dead for a thousand years, and would never be on the receiving end of one of her lectures ever again. She breathed in, trying to keep her eyes from watering and her nose from running.
Maybe it was better that she not remember. Better that she never knew Wesley Collins, who he was, and what he could become. Better that she not remember one who cared so much for his teammates that he betrayed him to safety.
But she couldn't bring herself to do that. Sure, she might obey orders, but there was so much that those who had never spent a day in a century not their own could ever know. She would obey orders this time, but she would not let them take her spirit away.
She would not let them take Wes away from her.
Behind her, her team stirred. They, like her, were discontent. They, like her, wanted to remember. They, like her, would not go down without a fight. They were her team. The four of them knew what was right, no matter what Alex and the bureaucrats might think best for them. Nothing could quench that.
No matter what happened. No matter what anybody did. They would remember.
-end
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